i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
