watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
