I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
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i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
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Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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