Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just gift wrapped bread.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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