my vag is so smooth its legendary
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
