this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
i think i just lost a toe
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
