when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
