then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
