I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
