I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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