He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
