Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
