Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
