It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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