reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She needs sedatives and a leash
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
