Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
