sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
accomplished twins. life is a go
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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