Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
