four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
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I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
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The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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