and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
