Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My first STD was from a foam party
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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