Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize