So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
