goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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