And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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