Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
