I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
