I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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