you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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