She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I need moral support for this bender
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
