Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
