I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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