we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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