but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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