Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
