I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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