I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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