I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
