eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
