Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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