The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
