the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
