I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
