Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
