I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
