Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
