it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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