bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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