I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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