You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
