His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
