weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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