I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
