If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
