My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
