Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
