Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Randomize
