sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
