Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
