My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
