can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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