i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
