Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
