I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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